It was October 1966. I was in the fifth grade, marching in the annual Halloween parade down Main Street in Sullivan Missouri. The parade was for elementary students, showing off their costumes to adoring crowds. After the parade, our costumes were judged and one lucky student – never me – would win a prize.

Each year I vowed that I would win. Each year I lost. My mother was never very creative, but this time she outdid herself, wrapping me in cloth strips secured with safety pins and staining them with ketchup/blood. I was competing as The Mummy, and things were going well – a lot of ooh’s and ahh’s from bystanders as I limped past them (I’d added a mummy-like limp as my contribution).

Then I noticed something.

My safety pins were opening and I was unwrapping. I gathered the flapping strands and tried to re-wrap, re-pin, re-tuck, and hold my mummy act together. The ooh’s and ahh’s were turning to laughter. By the end of the parade, I was more a pathetic puppet holding himself up by his own ketchup-stained rags than a cool, scary mummy.

A girl who had made her head into a television set won the contest. It was the same year that Bruce Mesger beat me in the school spelling bee. I lost on the word “government” because I spelled it the way I’d heard it pronounced: G-O-V-E-R-M-E-N-T. One quiet “n” had stood between me and spelling immortality.

Sometimes these memories still creep up from behind and tap me on the shoulder with a cold, bony finger.

This is my last post in Keep Your Chins Up. It has been fun for me, though in terms of losing weight it was sort of the “Mummy Parade of 1966” all over again.

Thank you for your support and your interest. A special thanks to Tammy Fumusa for giving us great information. 

Rudyard Kipling (yes, I’m going to get all Rudyard Kipling on you) once wrote about treating both triumph and disaster as impostors. I think he meant it’s about how we live our lives between our biggest wins and our biggest losses. I hope if you are overweight and you succeed in losing some pounds that use that success to keep you moving forward and that you also learn to forgive yourself when you fail. In either case, don’t dwell too long on where you’ve been. Focus on where you want to go.

And through it all, keep your chins up.

Yesterday I was in an 8-by-8 doctor’s exam room, with those four glass jars – cotton balls, alcohol wipe packets, tongue depressors, six-inch-long Q-tips – and a poster tacked to the door asking me if I had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

By the way, what part of the body do you swab with a six-inch-long Q-tip?

Don’t answer that.

I have the utmost respect for medical professionals; it’s just that I dread seeing them as a patient. 

When I was young, with a blood pressure of 115/70, I didn’t mind it. “You want to take my blood pressure again?” I would chuckle with the easy humor of a young man full of wide-open arteries.

Now I go into a “zone” when I see them unroll the blood pressure cuff. I completely relax every muscle in my body, except for the ones that keep me sitting upright, figuring it will make them suspicious if I fall face-first on the floor. I let my mind go blank like a Zen monk or Paris Hilton, and I mentally slow my heart rate. (Yes, I can do this. I’ve checked it out on a pulse monitor.)

I “zone” because I’ve been through the multiple blood pressure check too many times: The nurse takes my blood pressure, hesitates silently, and then takes the cuff to the other arm. The doctor comes in and takes it. People in the waiting room are invited to take it. They grow tired and use a foot pump. No one can quite believe the reading.

For the record, my blood pressure was fine, and it’s just not the “zone” at work. I’ve been pedaling my recumbent bike 40 to 45 minutes a day, stuffing myself with fruits and vegetables, and my contact with pizza has been reduced to softly touching photographs of it in magazines.

Portion I.Q. revealed:

1. Your “portion” of food should be the amount listed as a serving o the nutrition facts label.
a. Yes
b. NO
c. It depends

Answer: c) it depends. A serving size listed on the Nutrition Facts label is a standardized amount of food as determined by the Food and Drug Administration, so consumers can compare the calories and nutrients among brands.  It is not necessarily a recommended portion (the amount of food you choose to eat at one sitting) though it is a good yardstick. If you don’t pay attention to the serving size listed, the calories and nutrients listed are meaningless, because you might be eating twice that amount.  Keep in mind, although the amount of food you are served may not always be under your control, you are always in control of the portion of food you eat.  And if you are doing the serving, then be wise to reasonable portions.

2. A two-tablespoon serving of peanut butter is roughly equal in size to:
a. A pair of dice
b. A pin-pong ball
c. Your pinky finger

Answer: b) A ping-pong ball. Though peanut butter packs a wallop of fat (16 grams) and calories (190), at least it provides nutrient-rich calories and half of the fat is as nutritious mono fats. So don’t avoid it, but do keep that ping-pong ball visual in mind when making your next PB&J -- or when tempted to just dig in with a spoon.

3. Twenty years ago an average serving of movie popcorn was five cups. Today it is:
a. 6 cups
b. 9 cups
c. 11 cups

Answer: c) 11 cups.  What used to be a reasonable treat, providing 270 calories, now weighs in at 630 calories.  And that’s not even the biggest; some buckets hold 16 cups of corn.  If you add “butter topping,” it can top 1,500 calories – a day’s worth for some people!  Obviously, skip the extra butter (there’s plenty on it already).  And buy just a small or medium and share it.  Otherwise, your hand mindlessly reaches in without stopping until it hits bottom.

4. How much more chocolate candy do you think people eat, on average, from a one pound bag versus a half-pound bag?
a. About twice as much
b. About three times as much
c. About four times as much

Answer: a) About twice as much.  According to research conducted by Brian Wan sink, PH.D, on leave from Cornell University, when participants ate from a half-pound bag, they ate 71 pieces of chocolate versus 137 pieces when dipping into a pound-size bag.  Wan sink, author of Mindless Eating (Bantam, 2006), has demonstrated our similar lack of control with popcorn, candy, even soup.  One trick he says helps – using smaller bowls and plates – and not eating out of the bag.  Pour a portion into a bowl and don’t refill it. 

5. True or False?  People eat about the same volume of food each day.

Answer: True. Many studies have shown this. People who do not rely on a calorie level to know when they’re full; they eat until they’ve reached a certain volume of food.  

Source: Environmental Nutrition

I have to tell you about my week. This week I had the Cardiac floor, meaning that  I do a lot of Mediterranean Food Plan diet teaching. One of the patients I spoke with had received a stent to open up a blocked artery. She had high blood pressure, she was overweight, and on the verge of getting diabetes. To top it off, she smoked.  I reviewed the key points of the diet with her and spoke with her about her current diet at home. She told me that the only way to eat fish is fried and that vegetables are best with cheese sauce or not at all.  Then she said:  "I am 62 years old, I’ve lived a full life, nothing more to see, so I don’t really care." Oh boy, I am usually not a loss for words, but I was taken back. This woman had a great personality and I felt bad that she thought so little of her life. The very next minute I got a page to see a patient on a different floor regarding questions she had on following the correct diabetic and cardiac diet at home. When I got to the floor and walked into the room, there sat a thin, elderly woman. She told me that she was diagnosed with diabetes last year and is very concerned about keeping her heart healthy as she can. She told me that she has cut out all sweets and snacks and that she really “watches” what she eats in terms of preparation and portion sizes. I told her to try not to worry so much about her diet and to go home and have a piece of pie. The patient was 93 years old.  It is very rare that I get a chance to tell a patient to do that...

Chicago has a lot of up. The buildings are so tall they pull the trains off the ground and run them above your head. 

It was my first visit there, and to put it in perspective, I spent most of my life in a town of 5,000 people. We had one elevator, and it only traveled to the second floor.

There was no up.

A few highlights of the five-day visit to Chicago with my girlfriend, Karen:

No, we don’t have that here: Our first stop (because we were lost) was an Italian sidewalk café in Oak Park that did not serve Chicago-style pizza.

“Huh?”

As we sat at our sidewalk table eating very thin pizza, I watched a driver make room to parallel park by bumping the car in front of her.

Field Museum: Dinosaurs (we don’t have many of those in St. Louis) and beautiful artwork.

Chicago Transit Authority EL: Couldn’t have gotten around the city without it. Hint to hillbillies like me: Do not get on a train simply because it is headed in the direction you wish to travel. The BROWN train won’t take you to the same places the GREEN train takes you. Moment of panic. Visions of wandering strange streets whining “We’re from St. Louis,” while people pull their children behind them and walk quickly away.

Wrigley Field: A dream come true for me. Suggest you don’t wear St. Louis Cardinals T-shirt if your first baseman is going to let a groundball go between his legs with the bases loaded and you lose the game. No one wearing blue in the bars on West Addison will say, “Too bad, you’ve got a great team there.” They will, however, yell “Pujols, E3!” every two minutes for nearly an hour.

Food goals: I had planned to eat a Chicago-style pizza and a Chicago-style hotdog during my visit. I considered this my last bad-for-you-food pilgrimage before renewing my vows of healthy eating and exercise. Never got around to the pizza but did eat the hotdog. Very good! Had never considered a dill pickle and celery salt with a hotdog before. In fact, everything on the hotdog was healthy except for the hotdog itself. Too bad I didn’t travel to Chicago when I weighed 145 pounds, but I think Dillinger was still on the streets then. 

Chicago exercise and air conditioning: Estimated that I walked 20 miles during the visit. Temperature was in the mid 80s. This kept me from gaining weight during the vacation. Air conditioning seems to be an afterthought with Chicagoans – only one cab out of five had it running.

Post-visit thought: Have returned from Chicago trip with wonderful memories and a new resolve to get in shape.

The bottom line to losing weight is to eat less or exercise more. If only it were that simple. Discovering that exact balance to either maintain or lose weight can be very difficult. I read an article that talked about being in mind training to lose weight. For example, you and some friends are going out for dinner tonight at a burger place. You usually order the double cheeseburger and fries with a couple beers. The trick is thinking about it earlier in the day. Begin saying to yourself, "I am going to have oatmeal with raisins and an egg for breakfast, at lunch time I will have a salad and soup, and when I get to the restaurant I will sip my beer slowly order a “single” cheeseburger without the fries with a side salad or I could order a chicken breast sandwich and split the fries with a friend." 

I also found this Portion I.Q. Quiz. I will give you the questions now and the answers in my next blog:

1. Your “portion” of food should be the amount listed as a serving on the nutrition facts label.
a. Yes
b. NO
c. It depends

2. A two-tablespoon serving of peanut butter is roughly equal in size to:
a. A pair of dice
b. A pin-pong ball
c. Your pinky finger

3. Twenty years ago, an average serving of movie popcorn was five cups. Today it is:
a. 6 cups
b. 9 cups
c. 11 cups

4. How much more chocolate candy do you think people eat, on average, from a one pound bag versus a half-pound bag?
a. About twice as much
b. About three times as much
c. About four times as much

5. True or False?  People eat about the same volume of food each day.

At least one reader wants an update on my weight loss.

Here it is:

When I started this blog, I weighed 268 pounds and was not exercising. I now weigh 250 pounds and work out about an hour a day – a combination of cardiovascular exercise and weight training.

These are not inspiring accomplishments after six months, but I will not leave you without inspiration. Check out some of the stories of patients on the SSM Weight-Loss Institute Web site.

Next item: fun.

I have fun with this blog for two reasons:
1. I like fun.
2. Readers, having fun, are not as likely to fall asleep face down on their keyboards.
That second point is important because, in between all the fun, I’ve included information on the following:
• high-calorie foods in restaurants
• how people without a weight problem control their weight
• exercise
• the social pressures people feel about weight
• the difficulties and embarrassments associated with being overweight
• diet programs that make impossible claims
• how food ads work to distract us from the fact that the foods they advertise are bad for us.

That being said, it is time for me to become more serious about losing weight (but not for anyone else other than myself). I will, from time to time, report my progress or lack of progress.

Next weekend I’m taking my first trip to Chicago, a city famous for its museums, architecture, Wrigley Field, wind, and pizza.

I’m taking them all in, and when I float back into St. Louis on the wind and the pizza (make your own joke here), I plan on having fun. 

No matter what I say or do, I will appear to be the mean dietitian. I often tell my cardiac patients that I am here to help you and you probably will not like what I recommend. I was not being disrespectful to Alan in any way. I think it is easier for Alan to be funny than for myself playing the dietitian part. I have to be careful what I say.  I will have you know I have never told anyone they absolutely can not have a certain food ever again. I will use the word everyone is tired of: MODERATION. Would you not agree that if you are overweight, have heart disease, hypertension, and high cholesterol, you should really try to be aware of what you are putting in your mouth? Or let’s say you are lucky and you are only overweight with no co- morbidities. I have seen so many people that would increase the quality of their lives tremendously if they would just lose10 pounds. I think if you are eating well 90% of the time, there is always 10% to play around with.

Scenario 1:  Let’s say you get up in the morning; go out to breakfast with friends like you usually do. You have bacon, hashbrowns, and eggs. For lunch you have a roast beef sandwich, potato chips, and a regular soda. For dinner you have meat, potatoes and corn. For dessert you have a big bowl of ice cream. This obviously is not a good day for someone who is attempting to lose weight. When trying to lose weight, you have to think about not only your day, but how the week looks. 

Scenario 2:  It’s Friday afternoon, you really want fish fry tonight. Think to yourself: I am only going to have 2-3 pieces, watch the fries. Until then, for breakfast, I will have a small bagel with a little peanut butter and fruits. For lunch, I will have a salad or veggie burger, or soup and salad, etc. For dinner, don't go crazy, but enjoy your fish fry and eat healthy all three meals on Saturday.

I will keep plugging at getting all my thoughts out in writing. Sometimes I tend not to get my point across or get it cross-eyed……If anyone has any topics they have an interest in, feel free to send them my way.

Just north of the SSM corporate office, a blue, inflated gorilla, 20-feet-tall, stands atop the entrance to a car dealership. His hands are over his head, fingers clutching at the air, teeth bared between blood-red lips.

Seeing it makes me wonder if anyone has ever had the following conversation when passing the gorilla:

Husband: “Look, honey, a giant, blue gorilla on top of that dealership!”

Wife: “Yes, sweetheart, let’s stop and spend $25,000 on a car.”

No, the pressurized monkey is there just to make people realize that the dealership is there. Once that’s in your brain, you start the process of thinking about buying cars.

TV food ads often use the same approach, substituting actress/model/Top Chef TV host Padma Lakshmi eating a Hardee’s, 900-calorie Western Bacon Thickburger for the blue gorilla.

I wonder if that TV spot ever generates the following conversation:

Husband: “Look, honey, a gorgeous supermodel eating a hamburger.”

Wife: “Yes, sweetheart, I’ll drop you off at Hardee’s and you can wait for Padma there.

It probably has, but my point is that TV ads for bad food have a way of making you forget just how bad the food is for you. I have a defense for this – the remote control. The minute I see sauce dripping off a hamburger patty or Padma, I change the channel.

OK, maybe not right away, but within a few seconds. It’s just one more blue gorilla on my brain that I can do without.

It seems lately that I have had so many people give a shocked look when I tell them that the recommended servings per day of non-starchy vegetables is 4 – 8 servings. But it really isn’t that hard to get in a day. A serving is ½ cup cooked vegetables or 1 cup raw vegetables. Here is how a day could look:
Breakfast: 1 can V8 juice = 2 servings or omelet with 1 cup broccoli/spinach) = 2 serv.
Snack: 1 cup raw carrots = 1 serv.
Lunch: 2 cups lettuce, ½ cup tomatoes, ½ red pepper = 3 serv.
Dinner: 1 cup cooked green beans or broccoli or spinach, etc  = 2 serv.
Total for this day = 8 servings

Vegetables are low in fat, high in fiber and rich in minerals, vitamins and antioxidants. Eat a variety.
Often patients will tell me they don’t like vegetables or (my favorite) "I refuse to eat vegetables." There has to be one vegetable that you like. Expand your wings and try new things. (And, no, corn, peas and potatoes are not considered non-starchy vegetables.)

The "meat lover extreme" was just too much for Chins Up Alan.

1. I was pushed into a car and forced to eat at an Italian restaurant by six people. (Criminal charges are pending.) During the ordeal, I put up a brave front, which takes up about half of the photo.

2. Pizza is a weakness of mine because, depending upon the toppings, it contains all the major food groups: grain, dairy, fruit, sausage and bacon.

3. Olives and tomatoes are fruits.

4. The iced tea in the photo was artificially sweetened.

5. I ate half of the pizza.

6. Two hours later, I ate the other half.

7. No vegetables were harmed during the taking of this photograph.

8. Check that. Some onions were horribly abused.

9. Grease is really quite beautiful when it shimmers like the broken reflection of a moonlit lake.

10. Pizza gets me all emotional.

Karen and I recently ate at one of those restaurants where servers write their name upside down in crayon on your paper table cloth. Our waiter was Todd, who said he would be taking care of us for the evening. (From this, I mistakenly assumed Todd would be spending hours at our table telling jokes and reciting poetry.) 

While inverted Todd was gone taking care of other people for the evening, Karen spotted an insect the size of a match head, walking across our table.

Now Karen is an animal lover, but there are some crawling insects that don’t enjoy her mercy.

I did the bug in. Karen performed the postmortem and was convinced it was a baby cockroach. She then searched under utensils, glasses and plates for its siblings, spilling some olive oil in the process. She tore off the “Todd” section of the table cloth to wipe up the oil, severing the last “d” and the leg of the first “d” in “Todd,” turning him into “Toc.”

I wrapped the body in a NutraSweet packet and threw it away.

Toc returned and we told him about the bug. He apologized, and we accepted his offer to move to another table, where he again amazed us by writing his name upside down.  Later, the manager apologized and offered free desserts, which I declined. 

(By the way, I had the grilled chicken breast with asparagus and broccoli that came in under 500 calories.)

When our bill arrived, I saw Coupon #0152 for $5 had been subtracted from our total. Todd/Toc explained it was in compensation for the roach, though I don’t think he used the “R” word.

Now you know, a baby roach is worth $5, even after you turn down the free desserts. If roach coupons are based on size, an adult roach would have been 10 times larger and might bring $50. And one of those roaches you could ride in a rodeo . . . well, I’ll invite you to the party if you’re not too squeamish. 

I recently returned from a week’s vacation in Orange Beach, Alabama. What a great place to vacation. The first thing we did was go grocery shopping, as we were staying in a condo. I have always said that people eat the same things all the time. I was laughing at my husband and myself because we went through this store purchasing the exact items we do at home.

Anyway, my husband’s favorite thing is raw oysters! Not my cup of tea. My mom went for the fried oysters. In fact, most everything in the South is fried. So how do you watch what you eat when you are traveling? The same way you do at home. The same rules apply: watch the portions. Just because you are on vacation does not mean that you eat everything in sight. Just watching my husband down a dozen raw oysters helped me decrease my portion sizes. Hahaha. Also, I worked out everyday. I think one should make even more of a point to exercise on vacation because you are usually eating more or differently than you normally would. Plus, you have a little more time to exercise on vacation. 

I really enjoy a good veggie burger, but you are right -- you have to find the right one. You really can’t expect it to taste like a Big Mac or a juicy double cheese burger from your favorite locale, but it shouldn't taste as bad as shoes that have been worn all day, as Allen indicated. Try some of the ones listed below. These are some of my favorites that are available in most major supermarket chains:

Morningstar Farms Meal Starters. You can use this instead of cooked ground beef. The first three ingredients listed on the label are textured vegetable protein, water, and corn oil.
How Does It Taste? It has a mild, pleasant flavor and seems to work best when added to a mixed dish like chili, enchiladas or casseroles.
Nutrition Information: 2/3 cup= 80 calories, 10 g protein, 4 g carbohydrate, 2.5 g fat, 0 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 240 mg sodium. Calories from fats: 28%.

Gardenburger Breakfast Sausage (meatless). The first five ingredients are soy protein concentrate-hydrated, canola oil, ground flaxseed, vegetable gum, and salt. Each patty contributes .28 grams of plant omega-3s from canola oil and ground flaxseed.
How Does It Taste? It doesn't taste like pork sausage, but it's good for a non-meat sausage. It's even better when you include it in a breakfast dish with other flavorful ingredients.
Nutrition Information: 1 patty (43 grams)= 45 calories, 5 g protein, 3 g carbohydrate, 2.5 g fat, 0 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 2 g fiber, 270 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 50%.

Amy's Cheese Pizza Pocket Sandwich (contains milk products). The first five ingredients are organic wheat and whole-wheat flour, part-skim mozzarella cheese, organic tomato puree, filtered water, and organic extra-virgin olive oil.
How Does It Taste? This is a nice-tasting alternative to the more processed pizza pockets on the market.
Nutrition Information: 1 pocket has 310 calories, 14 g protein, 42 g carbohydrate, 10 g fat, 3.5 g saturated fat, 15 mg cholesterol, 4 g fiber, 450 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 29%. (10% Daily Value for Vitamin A, 20% Daily Value for calcium)

Amy's All American Veggie Burger, made with organic vegetables & grains.The first 10 ingredients are wholesome enough: organic onions, organic mushrooms, filtered water, wheat gluten, textured soy protein concentrate, organic bulgur wheat, organic celery, organic carrots, organic walnuts, and organic oats.
How Does It Taste? It's a tasty burger with a great texture. I suggest pan-frying your burger with a little olive oil cooking spray. After it's cooked, add condiments like sundried tomato bruschetta sauce, or your favorite mustard or salsa.
Nutrition Information: 1 burger has 120 calories, 10 grams protein, 3 grams fat, 0 gram saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 15 g carbohydrate, 3 grams fiber, 390 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 22.5%. (15% Daily Value for Vitamin A)

Gardenburger (Original). The first five ingredients are cooked brown rice, vegetables (mushrooms, onions), water, rolled oats, and bulgur wheat (hydrated).
How Does It Taste? This is Gardenburger's top-selling burger for a reason. It has the same great flavor and texture that helped define veggie burgers many years ago.
Nutrition Information: 1 burger has 100 calories, 5 g protein, 14 g carbohydrate, 3.5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 5 mg cholesterol, 5 grams fiber, 420 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 31.5%.

Boca Garden Vegetable Meatless Burger. The first five ingredients are water, organic textured soy flour, organic zucchini, organic red bell peppers, and organic textured wheat.
How Does It Taste? The mild flavor works well with stronger flavored toppings and condiments, like stone-ground mustard or spicy BBQ sauce.
Nutrition Information: 1 burger has 130 calories, 15 grams protein, 3 grams fat, 0 gram saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 9 grams carbohydrate, 4 grams fiber, 400 mg sodium. (10% Daily Value for calcium)

Boca Italian Meatless Sausage (contains eggs). The first five ingredients are water, soy protein isolate, expeller pressed canola oil, textured soy protein concentrate, and egg whites.
How Does It Taste? The texture is far from a real Italian sausage, but isn't altogether unappetizing. The flavor is pretty good; I had no problem finishing the whole sausage. These would work well in dishes calling for whole or sliced Italian sausage, like marinara sauce for pasta.
Nutrition Information: 1 sausage (2.5 ounces) has 130 calories, 13 g protein, 6 g carbohydrate, 6 g fat, 0 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 1 g fiber, 650 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 41%.

Boca Original Meatless Chik'n Nuggets. These nuggets are made with water, soy protein concentrate, soy protein isolate, textured wheat protein and yeast extract. I suggest using the oven or toaster oven to warm them up instead of the microwave.
How Does It Taste? OK. They don't have a lot of flavor, so are best served with a dipping sauce.
Nutrition Information: 4 nuggets (3 ounces) have 180 calories, 14 g protein, 17 g carbohydrate, 7 g fat, .5 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 500 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 35%.

Michael Angelo's Eggplant Parmesan (contains eggs and cheese). One container of this frozen entree actually contains 2 servings, so you'll need to serve it with some whole-grain pasta or bread and perhaps some fruit to round out the meal. The first five ingredients are organic tomatoes, eggplant, mozzarella cheese, water, and breadcrumbs.
How Does It Taste? Good enough to make me want to eat the whole container.
Nutrition Information: 1 serving (3/4 cup) has 160 calories, 11 g protein, 14 g carbohydrate, 7 g fat, 3.5 g saturated fat, 25 mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 500 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 39%.

I’m not a cutting-edge kind of guy. I’m more at the dull back of the knife blade . . . maybe not even on the blade . . . perhaps somewhere on the handle or in the kitchen drawer where the knife is stored.

I do appreciate the power of technology. However, it has lagged in some areas. For example: the veggie burger. This weekend, I was handed four of these meat-like patties. I seasoned them, dabbed on barbecue sauce, and grilled them.

The results? They tasted like the shoe heels of a clerk that had worked all day in a Home Depot.

If we can make an iFart app for someone's phone, why can’t we make a good veggie burger? I think part of the problem is that we’re making it too complicated. One patty I tried contains 32 ingredients, including something called “autolyzed yeast extract.”

Apparently, replacing a cow has been more of a challenge than the veggie industry anticipated.

The point is, I’m looking for a good veggie patty. Any suggestions?

And while you’re at it, can you come up with a good veggie sausage? The taste is bad -- and I’m suspicious of a food that can fry for 10 minutes and never change color.

Covering all the elements of weight control is far beyond the boundaries of this unscientific survey and its unscientific surveyor (me). I’m not going to get into chemical imbalances and other physiological differences between people who are overweight and those that aren’t. That’s like Algebra for me. I believe it exists, just don’t send me to the chalkboard in front of the whole class and this one girl I really like and make me solve an equation.

Ah, memories.

But, aside from the obvious, there are differences between people who are not overweight and me. One person in the survey can eat everything he wants and not gain weight, and most of the rest do not obsess about their weight. I, on the other hand . . .

Differences in attitude and consistency also appear. I fall farther and more frequently off the “weight wagon.” The people in the survey stick to a weight control routine. Also, when they feel their pants or skirts getting tight, they make an immediate adjustment in their diet and/or exercise, whereas I’ve collected enough pants in various sizes to cover a 60-pound weight swing and consider the expandable waistband one of the world’s greatest inventions.

Those “immediate adjustments” make a big difference when you consider that gaining 10 pounds requires you to consume 35,000 more calories than you burn. Over one year, that’s just an additional 12 potato chips or one eight-ounce non-diet soda per day – five extra minutes of eating or drinking.

Thank you to all who participated. I hope our readers enjoyed it. I’ve learned a few things and, despite the fact that I had to do math, it was fun.

This is part of a non-scientific survey of 20 people (10 men, 10 women) who successfully control their weight.

Question Nine: What keeps your weight under control?
a. genetics
b. exercise
c. diet
d. exercise and diet
e. don’t know

“Genetics” was the number one answer, followed by the “exercise and diet” combination (d). When “exercise” and “diet” were considered as separate answers (b and c), they tied for third. “Don’t know” came in last. Several participants selected more than one answer. Two people chose all five.

One woman offered “metabolism,” and that she is “on the go all the time.” That sounds like a combination of “genetics” and “exercise” that doesn’t involve planned workouts. A man also said he doesn’t exercise, but that he “keeps busy” and “never sits on the couch.”

Check back tomorrow for the conclusion of the Survey of the Slender.

This is part of a non-scientific survey of 20 people (10 men, 10 women) who successfully control their weight.

Question Seven: Do you exercise regularly?
Another flawed question that confirms my amateur standing as a pollster. I should have asked if the participants exercised at least three times per week, 30 minutes or more per session. “Regularly” can be defined several ways and I received some fuzzy answers. About half of the men and women said they exercise regularly . . . sort of. I had to interpret responses like “not as much as I’d like” or “when the weather is good.”

Some people do simple things like parking their car a little farther away at the store, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and walking, instead of standing, on escalators.

Question Eight: Do you eat high-calorie or fatty foods at least six times a week?
Guess which sex leads in this area? By an eight to two margin, men answered “yes” to this question. Four of the women answered “yes” and six answered “no.”

Now that I think about it, this question could be interpreted as a reversed, more specific version of question three: “Do you watch what you eat?” Nine of 10 women said they do, along with seven of 10 men. However, the difference between the responses to the two questions indicates that some people felt that eating a half-dozen high-calorie or fatty foods a week didn’t mean you weren’t watching what you ate the rest of the week.

In short, these people gave themselves some slack, as long as their eating of high-calorie and fatty foods didn’t get out of control.

This is part of a non-scientific survey of 20 people (10 men, 10 women) who successfully control their weight.

Question Five: Do you know people who eat far less than you, but still have a weight problem?
This question was another way of trying to find out if people who don’t seem to struggle with their weight have some kind of natural advantage. It’s the coveted “AHA!” that some overweight people seek when they feel the laws of nature are too cruel as applied to them: “Aha! I knew there was an unfair reason that pizza clings to my thighs like slabs of cement while it just improves your muscle tone.”

This question is flawed because the participants would need to follow other people 24 hours a day to really know the answer. That’s either impractical or very creepy, and six of our participants couldn’t provide an answer.

I was just going for a rough sense of how much the non-overweight people eat compared to people who have a weight problem. Given the limitations of the question, there was a pretty emphatic response: By a ten to four margin, our participants said that they know of people who gain weight eating far less food.

Question Six: Do you think about your weight a lot?
There was an eye-opening response to this question. Both males and females, by a seven to three margin, say that they do not think about their weight a lot. I, as a representative of the overweight crowd, think about my weight approximately 900 times a day.

When those surveyed do think about their weight, it’s often because their clothes get a little tight or they realize that a few extra pounds have slowed them down in some sport or other activity they enjoy. Both of these realizations often causes them to quickly make an adjustment in their diet or exercise routines.

Stay tuned for Part IV of the Survey of the Slender.

This is part of a non-scientific survey of 20 people (10 men, 10 women) who successfully control their weight.

Question Three: Do you watch what you eat?
Women had an edge over men. Nine of ten women do watch what they eat as compared to seven of 10 men. Some of the men and women have strict rules about their diet – what they eat, how much and what kinds of food. Those responses were mixed in with others like “usually” or “sometimes.” A better question would have been “Do you watch what you eat at least 90 percent of the time?”

One man said he ate anything and everything he wanted without gaining a pound (and he wasn’t talking about fruits and vegetables). I asked him an additional question: When was he beamed to Earth from another planet?

Question Four: Do you ever eat for emotional reasons (bored, frustrated, nervous)?
A perfect split – five “yes” and five “no” answers for both men and women. One woman loses her appetite when she is upset. Others? Well, chocolate and high-calorie desserts seem to take the edge off for a few people. However, the question has it limits because it doesn’t ask how often this happens and how much food is consumed when it does happen.

And there’s one more twist: one man eats for emotional reasons, but consumes healthy food. He gives his mom the credit. Her treats, when he was growing up, were fruits and vegetables instead of soda and candy.

Look for Part III of survey results soon.

This is part of my non-scientific survey of 20 people (10 men, 10 women) who successfully control their weight.

Question One: Have you ever been overweight?
Men split this question five and five. Seven of the 10 women have never been overweight. By the way, if a woman responded that she was only overweight when pregnant, I considered it a “no” answer. Pregnant women or women who have just given birth get a pass on this one.

Question Two: Were your parents thin, or at least never overweight?
There weren't any differences between the sexes on this question. A few more of the parents were thin or not overweight as opposed to those who had a weight problem. That may reflect nothing more than an earlier generation of leaner Americans. However, it is interesting that “genetics” was the most common reason that our survey participants gave when it came to explaining why they didn’t have a weight problem.

Look for Part II of the Survey of the Slender results in the next few days.

I was looking for some answers from the other side.

No, a bright light at the end of a tunnel wasn’t involved. I wanted to discover some of the differences between people who always seem to have their weight under control and the rest of us.

I asked 20 people, evenly divided between men and women, nine questions. I asked them nine questions, because I couldn’t think of ten good questions. It turns out that some of the nine questions weren’t all that good either.

The 20 people qualified for the survey because, for a long as I’ve known them, they have not been overweight. Some of them I’ve known for just a few months and some of them I have known for ten years.

Disclaimer: If you did not receive a survey from me, it does not necessarily mean I think you are overweight. It means I didn’t feel I could handle more than 20-25 surveys.

I also divided the response between males and females to see if any differences could be detected, and there seemed to be a few.

The survey would have been more interesting if I had also sent it to 20 overweight people as well. I just didn’t know how to phrase the introduction. Example: I’ve noticed you’re overweight. Would you like to answer a few questions about that?

At this stage of my life, I’m more into “survival” than I am into “interesting.”

Look for the “Survey of the Slender” results over the next few days. It’s not valid research, but it is an interesting peek into how a few people control their weight.

Using historical facts, I have proven that my weight gain can be blamed on Harry Truman and my mother (see Part I). But what has been the impact of plate cleaning on other patriotic Americans?

According to a Cornell University study (and I’m not making this up), the French are thinner than Americans because the French eat until they’re full. Americans eat until their plates are clean or the TV show they’re watching is over. The only exception to this rule is Girard Depardieu.

I am one-eighth French, but apparently not the one-eighth of me that eats. Possibly, it’s the one-eighth of me that feels guilty afterwards.

Another study shows that plate cleaning is so ingrained in our society that seven out of 10 Americans finish their restaurant entrees all or most of the time regardless of the entrée’s size.

I have an advanced form of plate-cleaning patriotism that required me to also clean my children’s plates. The pattern never varied:

• The children would eat two and a half French fries.
• They (the children) would fidget.
• I would tell them to sit still and eat their food 4,000 times (no more, no less).
• They would ignore me 4,000 times. 
• I would finish their fries because the CLEAN PLATE ALARM was going off in my head. 

Tonight I’m going to a restaurant and leaving something on my plate. I may have to order something hideous, like pickled beets, but as those svelte French people say: “Vive la revolucion!”
 

Are you a member of the Clean Plate Club?

I have been a lifelong member. My mother swore me in, but I never learned why or how the club was founded until now.

Like everything else, it’s the government’s fault. 

During World War I, the government encouraged people not to waste food. They even had a jingle: “At table I’ll not leave a scrap of food upon my plate. And I’ll not eat between meals, but for suppertime I’ll wait.”

That was catchy in 1917.

After World War II, President Truman urged Americans to conserve food and, in response, Clean Plate Clubs formed in elementary schools.

True, the government was trying to reduce the amount of food we eat, but I choose to believe my weight gain has been about patriotism.

Pass the ribs, I hear Kate Smith singing God Bless America.

I apologize for leaving Soy in the dark. I have added, by suggestion, a chart with Soy Milk nutritional information. Soy has come a long way, but the main nutrient to watch is the fat content when comparing it to skim milk. Soy tends to be higher in fat. In terms of protein and calcium they are comparable. Also, for some Soy can be an acquired taste. I have found the brand make a big difference. If you find one you absolutely do not like, you may want to try a different brand. 

Soy Milk (1cup)	Calories	Fat (gm)	Saturated Fat (gm)
Plain	100	4	0.5
Vanilla	100	3.5	0.5
Unsweetened	80	4	0.5
Non-fat	70	0	0
Low fat	90	1.5	0
Very Vanilla	130	4	0.5
Light	70	2	0

After an $840 repair bill on my old car a few weeks ago, I began to think about buying a new, smaller car like the Honda Civic.

A friend got word of this and commented that she didn’t think I would “fit in a Civic.”

Thanks, friend. Perhaps I should purchase a school bus or something with an “open cockpit” -- like a bulldozer.

First, let me say I’ve been in a Civic and I fit. But my friend’s comment brings up the issue of being too large for the world, and it’s something I consider almost every day.

For example:

Have you ever attended a meeting where the chairs are jammed together side by side? I’m five inches wider than the chairs. This means that if I sit between two adults without making physical contact, the people to my left and right often lean away from me so that we form a shape something like a half-peeled banana.

If someone my size is on the other side of them, we perform another maneuver, whereby someone (and I think this should be one of the people taking up extra space) leans forward to leave a gap. 

It’s a delicate social dance that is wordlessly completed. Who would be crass enough to say “Could you lean forward because I can’t inhale and my shoulders are touching my earlobes?”

My fault. I’m not asking the world to adjust to me. It’s up to me to get smaller. In the meantime, I plan to be wearing the latest in Civics this fall – but nothing in white. It makes me look fat. 

Oh the joys of being a dietitian in the State of Wisconsin. I can’t tell you how many dairy farmers I have educated over the years or how many people have recently purchased a whole cow, placed it in their freezer and are raring to consume. I teach the Mediterranean Food Guide for cardiac patients, meaning they have recently had stents placed or bypass surgery. Here are the two main principles of the Mediterranean Food Guide:

1. Skim Milk
2. Red meat to be consumed 1x per week.

And here's what I contend with: "I refuse to drink that blue water no matter what you tell me!"

The facts about skim milk:

Milk (1cup)	Calories	Fat	Saturated Fat	Compared to Skim
Whole	146	8	5	+55 cal
2%	123	4.9	3.1	+32 cal
1%	105	2.5	1.5	+14 cal
Skim	91	0.7	0.4

The only difference between milks is calorie and fat content. All nutrients remain in skim milk. In transitioning from whole to skim milk, it is best done by gradually stepping down one level at a time to reach skim. Taste buds can take awhile to adjust to the change in fat. However, once you have converted to skim milk and then taste whole milk again, you will think, "Wow, how did I ever drink this heavy milk?" (Well, some of you will say that.)

Let’s say that you are drinking one cup of 2% milk every day of the week. By switching to skim milk, you will save 224 calories per week. This could be significant if you are trying to watch your waistline.

Tune in next week for the red meat story.

I’m thinking about starting a restaurant chain called Half as Much.

The food portions will be half the size of other restaurants at half the price. I think it’s a concept whose time has come given the economic situation and the epidemic of obesity in this country – not too mention the lessened environmental impact of not needing Styrofoam containers to carry uneaten food home. (Be honest, how often do you eat the food you bring home from a restaurant, versus the times you’ve watched it walk out of your refrigerator on its own legs weeks later?)

Restaurants now serve at least twice the amount of food you need, and I know where this mega-sized trend started. It started with the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder in the early 1970s. There we were, standing on our platform shoes, when this huge hamburger began dripping grease on our tank tops.

Today the Quarter Pounder is comparatively tiny. Hardees has a Monster Thickburger with two, one-third-pound beef patties, four slices of bacon and three slices of cheese.

Think outside the hamburger box. Think of the Half as Much possibilities:

People, who were taught to clean their plates as children, can leave comfortably full and guilt-free with Half as Much.

When we get Half as Much going, we can offer Half as Much Fun Meals.
Potential tagline: “Half-as-Much food at Half-as-Much cost with Half-as-Much service.” (OK, we might need to work on the wording on some of these things.)

Charles Atlas.

If a black and white photo of a man flexing his muscles while wearing leopard-skin briefs does not instantly appear in your head, you obviously did not spend as much time (or money on comic books) as I did at the Ben Franklin store on Main Street in the 1960s.

Hop off your banana seat and drop the kickstand on your buzz bike while grandpa tells you a story:

For years, Charles Atlas sold his  bodybuilding course through comic book ads.

I wanted to be Atlas. I also wanted to be Batman, The Flash, and the third baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals. When you’re a pudgy 10-year-old with freckles, wearing nerd glasses your mother picked out, you want to be somebody – almost anybody – else.

But I was skeptical of Atlas, because he made it seem too easy.

Or perhaps it was because his ad was on the same pages with the X-Ray Goggles and the Sea Monkeys. (Though I hoped I was wrong about the goggles, nothing convinced me that tiny Martian-like creatures could be shipped to my home and awakened with tap water.)

Today there are times when I still want to be someone or something else, but my fantasies are mixed with reality.  I know the Cardinals aren’t looking for a 52-year-old third baseman. I just want to be a lighter me . . . with superhuman powers.

Which brings me to an important question:

Does anybody have a pair of those X-Ray Goggles?

What an interesting question: have you ever struggled with your weight? All these years as a Dietitian and I don’t think I have been asked that question. As a matter of fact, yes, I have! I could say who hasn’t, but we all know those people who can eat whatever they want, not exercise and still not gain weight. I contribute that to a high metabolism or genetics. All you see on the blog is my head and the skinny body they put under it. I have been the same weight for about 15 years. I am 5’5 weight in at 145#; yes I told you my actual weight. My BMI is 24.13, almost overweight. If you saw an actual picture of me perhaps you would be surprised at how I look. That gets to the point of the BMI calculations, which are based on height and weight only and do not take into consideration ones lean body mass (see calculation below). In high school I played volleyball and softball, but I was overweight, probably because I would eat fast food, nachos (that was my favorite with the fake cheese that almost looked orange). After high school I gained more weight because I didn’t have the activity I once did. My mom was overweight, still is, as is my grandmother. I knew I had to do something. I began reading all about nutrition and exercise. I took up running while living in Dallas, TX. Alan is right everything is big there and no I didn’t make up that I lived there. Try running in Dallas, TX in the middle of June. Anyway, it was really hard to take off the weight and it is even harder to keep it off. I am not perfect in my eating, but I eat healthy 90% of the time and exercise everyday. Portion control “is” everything. I tell my patients to weigh/measure everything they eat for a week to get a feel for what they are actually taking in.

	Female	Male
Underweight	<19	<20
Acceptable	19 - 25	20 - 25
Overweight	25 - 30	25 - 30
Obese	30 - 40	30 - 40
Morbidly Obese	>40	>40

The formula is:
BMI = W / H 2
Where W is the weight in kilograms and H is the height in meters.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.  – Orson Welles

You’ve been eating 230-calorie Lean Cuisines for weeks and somebody says, “Let’s go out to eat,” which is the equivalent of asking a person who has just crawled across a burning desert, “Would you like an ice-cold beer?”

It’s time to reward your self with a few extra calories – right?

FAT ALERT: Don’t order the Romano’s Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce. This entrée should come with its own cardiologist. It weighs in at 2,430 calories, and contains 128 grams of total fat (two days worth), 57 grams of saturated fat (nearly three days worth), and 5,290 milligrams of sodium – enough salt to fell a rhino.

OK, you know that’s not a smart choice, so you’re at Subway and you order a  six-inch tuna fish sandwich. It’s fish. How bad could it be? This bad: The sandwich contains 530 calories – nearly as many as a Big Mac at 576 calories– and has 30 percent more sodium than the Big Mac.

Likewise the Grilled-Chicken Caesar Salad from Panera Bread drops to your tabletop at 510 calories, with more cholesterol and sodium than the Big Mac.

What’s a lifestyle changer to do?

Here are a few tips:

Avoid food items that include the word “Texas.” Example: Texas toast is large enough to be used as a flotation device. Texas = Big. If you order something with a state name, order the Rhode Island Steak, or the Delaware Chicken.

Avoid food items that have certain occupations listed in their description. Never order a breakfast with the word “lumberjack” or “farmer” in the name. Lumberjacks climb trees while carrying chain saws clenched between their teeth. Farmers walk for miles, plow fields, and throw bales of hay for recreation. Ask yourself, “Am I wearing a flannel shirt or a baseball cap at work?” If the answer is no, you probably don’t need the calories these people require.

Instead, get the Corporate Publication Manager’s Pancake Breakfast. You get a gallon of coffee and pancakes the size of quarters.

I hope this helps.

I’m suffering from Terreo Libra – a fear of scales.

Or it may be a fear of people born between Sept. 24 and Oct. 23.

No, I’m sure it’s the scale thing.

It’s gotten so bad that, last weekend, I had to DUST my bathroom scales because my feet hadn’t touched them for so long.

This brings up two points:

One: Yes, I run my sock feet over the scale to clean it. People who find that bending over is an anaerobic exercise (anaerobic literally means “without air”) adopt these kinds of strategies. I can also remove my socks by scraping the bottoms of my feet on the carpet, hooking my toes under the shed socks and flipping them in the air to myself. I have fat skills.

Two: I’ve been off my lifestyle change, and I know I’ve gained weight. This is what the scale would tell me if I stepped on it. But I’m not going to – not until I’ve lost some weight. Not until that evil little platform next to my bathtub is ready to share something positive.

Okay, I have an excuse. Problems have surfaced. I won’t go into details, but I’ve had to be a lot of places I didn’t want to go, talk to people I normally avoid, and solve problems I’d rather leave to other people. This means I’ve been grabbing food (Hardees) instead of planning meals.

Not buying it? Neither am I.

There’s only one thing to do when you fall off a horse . . .

Buy a car.

Sorry, this Terreo Libra really plays with your head. 

Okay, I’ll hoist my fat body back into the saddle – as soon as I find a Clydesdale.

I see that one of our readers looks at a photo of herself “before kids” as her motivation to lose weight.

She also wishes that red-carpet celebrities, “were a little older and more a normal size, letting us know that even if we are in our forties and not rail thin we are still beautiful.”

I assume she is talking about “rail thin” women walking the red carpet.

Of course, men are susceptible to this image pressure as well (I want to look more like George Clooney and less like Dick Cheney), but men don’t have the same amount of image pressure on them as women.

I can prove this with shoes:

If I can’t comfortably walk two miles in a pair of shoes, I throw them away. I know women (my girlfriend, Karen) who limp in their shoes after 100 yards. The bizarre thing is, they wear them again!

Why? Because they (Karen) like how the shoes look!

Again, I think part of this is due to image pressure – the kind of image pressure that “the folks walking the red carpet” exert, particularly on women. 

To be fair to the ad agencies and movie studios, the average age of people appearing on the red carpet is more advanced than it was 20 years ago (Halle Berry, age 42) and they no longer have to be “rail thin” (Halle Berry), but they will never be “normal” in the sense that they will look like the rest of us (Halle Berry).

Dear reader, set a realistic weight goal for your self and go for it. You’re right – you don’t have to be young and thin to be beautiful. So instead of walking the red carpet, take your children on a hike. Be sure to wear comfortable shoes.

I began lifting weights when I was a teenager. I had a powerful motivation: girls.

I figured my bulging biceps and washboard abs would be irresistible. Unfortunately, despite groaning and sweating with barbells and dumbbells for hours, the softball-size, vein-popping biceps and the washboard abs never appeared.

It was my only hope, because I wasn’t any good at talking to girls. It once took me two months to gather enough courage to ask a girl out. Her name was Diane. When I finally approached her at the Wal-Mart cosmetic counter where she worked, I didn’t know someone had tipped her off (two months earlier) that I was going to ask her out. Apparently, she was in favor of the idea then, but when I finally got around to it, her resentment at my tardiness had been building.

As I recall, her rejection of me was overheard by several customers and left me wishing I could melt through the floor. I might have saved the moment if I had explained that my slowness was due to terror and not a lack of interest, but I was no more capable of sharing those feelings than I would have been of explaining the process of photosynthesis.

Despite the “Diane Disaster,” I continued to lift weights, but my motivation changed. I liked it. I think this is because weightlifting is one of those rare exercise regimens where, most of the time, you’re not doing anything but resting between sets, and resting is one of my strengths.

As I entered my 40s, I had to be more careful with my weight training. I learned to separate healthy pain from unhealthy pain and to immediately stop a physically damaging exercise. And, as it turns out, weight training is one of the best methods for raising your resting metabolic rate (fat burning).

How about you? What were/are some of your exercise motivations?

Great idea, let’s talk exercise and routine. Alan likes numbers, so I want to go over some statistics over the years. Actually, we can only go back to about 1996 when the Center for Disease Control (CDC) starting keeping track of our physical activity and our waist lines. A very interesting and very sad statistical animated map showing how we have grown can be seen at the following web address:
http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/trend/maps/index.htm

Take note of how the pretty colors change over time on the map if you watch it.  Basically in 1996 we were becoming obese by 15-19%. One year later we add a color to the map increasing to 20-24%, then in 2001 we move up to 25-29%, and finally 2005 we are up to > 30% obese in some states. As the obesity rate continues to increase those of us who exercise remain at 21% and those who don’t 79%. 

Here is how one of the conversations can go in an appointment with an overweight patient:

Dietitian: How would you say your way of eating is at home?

Patient: Well, I like my meat and potatoes. I eat about 12 ounces of meat a day, lots of potatoes, and don’t like vegetables. Oh, and I am not giving up my butter!  My mom and dad ate butter, lots of meat and no vegetables and they were just fine.

Dietitian: Okay, did your parents have the conveniences we have today that promote inactivity: Escalators, elevators, a drive-thru for coffee, money, and food?  Were they not more active than you are today? 

Back in the day we walked, we rode our bikes, we actually got out of our cars! I wanted a coffee the other day at Starbucks, which happens to have a drive-thru. I parked my car, walked in, ordered my coffee, walked back to my car and off I drove while the car that pulled in front of me that had went to the drive-thru still waited in the long line of individuals waiting for their Latte’s.

It is all about our quality of life. I like my food, but I enjoy exercising because I feel good and it allows me to have what I want in moderation.  

About three years ago, I left a gym that was closing and joined a new gym after looking it over for ten minutes and learning that a membership was only $20 a month. I quickly discovered it was not a good fit for me. Lesson learned: Observe the gym you're thinking about joining over a period of several days. Here’s why:

Almost everyone in my old gym was older than me. These gentle folk turned in early, so I was often the only one there. This meant I could immediately get on any piece of equipment I wanted. And all of the exercise equipment worked because no one was wearing it out. I was Paris Hilton-spoiled.

My new gym, on the other hand, had a much younger membership and was trendy. They sold gallon jugs of whey protein. My old gym sold barbecued Fritos.

Floor-to-ceiling mirrors circled the inside of the new gym, and there were lots of taut, spandex-covered bodies in front of them. In the old gym, we actually avoided our reflection, and no one wore spandex because we would have looked like sausages that hadn’t been stuffed completely into their casings. However, being the young rebel that I was at the old gym, I didn’t totally cave: I refused to wear the knee-length khaki pants and long dark socks that seemed to be the uniform there. 

I found myself caught between two exercise worlds, and there was no one from the 70s to back me up.

I did miss the khaki pants people. When they were there, they talked to me. The new gym people talked to each other, but not to me. What were they going to ask me, how cold was it before the glaciers receded?

Every machine was occupied from 5-7 p.m. at the new gym, with people pedaling, pumping and preening at a maniacal pace. Steel bars snapped, pads split and cardio machines squealed and moaned before grinding to a stop.  

To sum it up: In my old gym, I was the Boy King in a land where nothing went wrong. In my new gym, when the 20-somethings weren’t melting down the equipment, I sensed they were looking at my fat, graying body while trying to remember where the gym defibrillator was kept. 

Try this:
• Sit down and extend your hands in front of you, shoulder-width apart.
• In one motion, move your hands behind your head, palms facing inward.
• Interlace your fingers and place them firmly against the back of your head, roughly at ear level.
• Extend your legs, and position your heels on a hassock. 

I call it the “Collapsed Alan,” an exercise I used to perform at least an hour each day, usually at home first thing after work (it’s all about setting priorities). There is also a floor version of this exercise.

But things are changing.

I just bought a stationary recumbent bike. I bought it because my previous exercise bike had one of those narrow, hard little seats that, after about 30 minutes of pedaling, caused an aching numbness usually associated with being trapped under steel beams in a collapsed building. My numbed area, however, was very specific and would be hard to duplicate in a collapsed building unless the building collapsed on me while I was sitting on a trailer hitch.

The recumbent bike has a wide, padded seat (just like me!), and I’m now pedaling 40 numb-free minutes a day.

Apparently, this isn’t enough. 

Thirty minutes a day used to meet the requirement for cardio exercise. Now the experts recommend 45 minutes to an hour a day. (I’ve observed that experts frequently update their advice when they realize that they just can’t keep repeating themselves, but I’m willing to go along with this change on the off chance they are sincere.)

I’m working up to the 45 minute a day level, which means less time for the “Collapsed Alan.” Already I can’t keep my hands behind my head as long as I used to.

You use it or lose it.

Was there a shift in the field of gravity on Feb. 4?

Were the tides exceptionally high that day?

Somebody check an almanac!

The reason I ask is that in my Feb. 2 post I stated that I had lost 15 pounds. And I was being conservative with that number, basing my claim on several days of weighing on my bathroom scale. I even threw out the lowest reading, which was 17 pounds lighter than my starting weight (I started at 269 pounds and the scales read 252 pounds on that wonderful day). Let’s say the average weight was 254 pounds.

Then I had a weigh-in with my group two days later on the evening of Feb. 4. I weighed 262 POUNDS! Even allowing for some variation between scales, that’s an eight-pound gain in 48 hours. The next morning, I stepped on my bathroom scale to confirm the bad news and – you guessed it – I weighed 262 pounds. 

How is that possible?

I will confess to slipping a bit on Super Bowl Sunday and the Monday that followed. There was some chili, cheese, Fritos, potato chips, dip, beer, and a delicious ice cream pie (not the whole pie!). Okay, it was more of a sheer drop than a “slip,” but still – EIGHT POUNDS IN 48 HOURS!

Consider that it takes about 3,500 calories to add a pound of weight, and that I need about 3,900 calories a day just to maintain my current weight. To gain eight pounds in two days, I would have had to consume around 36,000 calories – the equivalent of (and I looked this up) eating 74 Big Macs in 48 hours!!!

Was there a full moon on Feb. 3? Did some cattle go missing from nearby farms on that night!!!???

Tammy – somebody – talk to me!

Let’s discuss “all or nothing”. You make a wonderful, delicious meal for your girlfriend. You sit down at the candle lit table across from your beautiful lady and watch her stick her fork into that scrumptious meal you spent hours preparing. You, on the other hand, stick your fork into cottage cheese and pineapple. Oh my, how that lasagna looks much better and tastier than my meal. This may be a long term goal, but you have to learn to be able to have a “portion” of the foods you like and say “enough”. As we live day to day so should what we eat day to day. If you woke up, worked out, ate healthy all day, why couldn’t you have a serving of lasagna? Let’s even say you did not work out, ate healthy all day, you could still go for it. Worst case scenario: you got up, did not exercise, had bacon and eggs for breakfast, and big Mac for lunch, then you probably should stick to the cottage cheese and pineapple. Sometimes all or nothing is about our emotions.
Check out this article on Emotional Eating. 

Emotional Eating: The Facts
What is emotional eating?
Emotional eating is a fairly common phenomenon in which food is used as a tool for dealing with strong emotions. The emotional eater is generally unaware of how his/her emotions are impacting food intake.

Why do some people have a problem with emotional eating?
The issue is probably multifactorial for the majority of people. However, we know that brain chemistry has much to do with it. Certain foods increase the influx of “feel good chemicals” into the brain, and this sends a message to us that we should eat more to feel even better. Many people associate food with comfort and a sense of being “taken care of,” and when they can’t get these feelings from people or from within themselves, food seems like an easy cure. Today’s society relies heavily on food as a way of celebrating. Every major holiday and special event is built on a foundation of food. This is large-scale emotional eating. Many people find themselves preparing food and eating as a means of distracting themselves from the things that they’d rather not, but probably should, be thinking about or feeling.

Is emotional eating always bad?
No! Some people are able to occasionally comfort themselves with food and do so with no long-term health damage. Emotional eating becomes a problem when it becomes a habit. People who suffer from emotional eating tend to cycle between guilt and bingeing, and have a difficult time making peace with food. People with serious issues involving emotional eating often don’t even taste the food that they’re eating. Emotional eating has nothing to do with physical hunger.

What can I do to stop emotional eating?
The first step is to try to figure out what specific emotions spur you on to eat more. Keeping a detailed food record, including what you were feeling every time that you eat, is a good first step.  Once you know what’s causing you to overeat, it’s easier to figure out what you need to take the place of food. 

For example, the inner dialogue might go something like this: Are you stressed? How can you find relaxation without the food in front of you? If there were no food in front of you, what would you do with this feeling? Would you go for a walk, take a hot bath, call a friend, begin a creative project, read a book, or write a letter that you’ll never send? What needs to change in your life to break this pattern of stress that is so severe that it is driving you to overeat?

One of the most obvious ways to prevent eating unhealthy foods in response to your emotions is to just not keep unhealthy food items in the house. Of course, even too much “healthy” food can lead to weight gain, but not as easily. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up from time to time. Instead, try to recover as quickly as possible. Look at each fallback as a way of finding out more about how your emotions and diet are linked together. 

References
Great Mountain at Fox Run. Stopping emotional eating.
Mayo Clinic. Weight-loss help: how to stop emotional eating.
MedicineNet. Weight loss: emotional eating.

I’ve lost 15 pounds in the last 20 days. At that rate, I will be at my goal weight of 170 pounds by May 7, and completely disappear in a tiny puff of smoke no later than Dec. 19.

This is the same thing that happened to Scott Carey in the 1957 movie The Incredible Shrinking Man – only Scott was shrinking because he was sprayed with a radioactive mist and insecticide (apparently a bad combination for maintaining inseam length).

I do hope that I can avoid the relationship problems that the Careys experienced. Example: When Scott shrank to six inches tall, his wife thought the family cat had eaten him.  (Note to self: hold off on cat purchase.)

But for now, I’m savoring the good news from the bathroom scales. These are heady days when men want to get up in the middle of the night and put on a pair of pants just to feel how loose they fit . . . men who’ve lost a significant amount of weight . . . lonely men at parties who discuss their latest prostate exam like it was a trip to Europe.

Ah, well.

And yes, I know I won’t keep losing the weight at this rate, but let me enjoy the moment.

On another note: A shout out to two other incredible shrinking groups. I’ve just learned the Mount Vernon and Centralia campuses of St. Mary’s Good Samaritan have a friendly weight loss competition going. As of Jan. 29, several hundred employees at both campuses have lost 927 combined pounds. Great job!

You’ve seen the ads. Someone named Maria, from Des Moines, has discovered this great diet secret for losing tons of weight. Maria – in a light conversational tone – tells you the following:

• She’s just like you. She takes her kids to soccer practice, has a dog named Belvedere, and leads a busy life.
• She’s tried all kinds of diets that haven’t worked.
• Her diet secret is simple, easy, and requires no effort on your part.
• The medical world doesn’t want you to know about it.
• It involves an “expert” in a lab coat. (Usually, he or she has great hair.)
• The expert has been on Oprah, had his/her photograph taken with Rachel Ray, or has appeared in a “national publication”.
• Maria has a bad photograph of herself in a red bathing suit when she weighed 325 pounds and an equally bad photograph of herself, three months later, at 150 pounds. (Somehow, through a loophole in the law of physics, she’s managed to get into the same bathing suit in both photos.)

Her secret?

“The Pomegranate: Nature’s Natural Enema”

Now the cleansing power of the pomegranate, used by the pharaohs of ancient Egypt for weight control (ever seen a fat mummy?), can be yours.

Maria is telling you this because she cares about you. But in order to give you the secret, she’ll need some credit card information. Otherwise, an ancient Egyptian curse will leave Maria and the expert looking for honest work.

I just had to get this out of my system.

This past weekend, I made lasagna for my girlfriend, Karen.

I didn’t eat any of it. I can’t.

I know what you’re thinking: “Once in a while you can indulge in some high-calorie food, just limit your portions and don’t make a habit of it.”

“No . . . really, I can’t,” I replied to your imaginary thoughts.

“Just a couple of bites won’t hurt,” you said.

“Get the lasagna away from me!” I screamed, running for my condo’s deck, three-stories above the ground.

I know how this story would have ended if I’d taken one bite of the lasagna. It would have ended, months from now, with my bathroom scale telling me that it wants a new home where two people don’t step on it at the same time.

You see, I’m an all or nothing person. Once I gather momentum for a thing, I can’t stop. If I fall off the horse/lifestyle change (and into the lasagna), it takes too much mental effort for me to climb back on.

Maybe you can work these little compromises, but I cannot. I’m a food addict. I have to ride my downward spirals all the way to the ground.

I insisted Karen take the lasagna home with her. My exact words were: “The most important thing you can do, today, is not leave this lasagna with me.”

Pathetic but true.

If you’ve worked out a balance between the occasional piece of lasagna and healthy eating, I’d love to know how you do it.

Am I on a “diet” or beginning a “lifestyle change?”

According to our blogging dietitian,Tammy Fumusa, I should think of it as a “lifestyle change.”

She’s right.

A diet, in the popular sense of the word, is something painful we temporarily go through – like a call from a telemarketer. We can’t wait until the diet or the phone call has ended and we can go back to eating our quart of ice cream while watching Mythbusters.

It’s a matter of mental energy. You only have so much of it (and I have less than others) before you give in to temptation. Don’t believe me? Try dragging around the thought of a diet all day long. Diet inner monologue follows:
“There’s a barbecue restaurant on the left.”
“I’m on a diet.”
“I can’t stop there.”
“I can’t eat a rack of barbecued pork ribs.”
“I can’t think about eating a rack of barbecued pork ribs.”
“I can’t think about not thinking about eating a rack of barbecued pork ribs.”
“Get the ribs out of your head!”
“Ribs . . . deep red, tender and oozing barbecue sauce – a side of potato salad . . .
“I’m still thinking about the ribs!!!”
“Was that a red light I just drove through???!!!”

The thoughts wear you down, and pretty soon, if you’re on a “diet” and not making a “lifestyle change,” you start making deals with yourself:

“Once this diet is over, I’m going to eat a rack of ribs the size of a surfboard.”

If you’re like me, six months later, you weigh more than you did when you started your “diet.”

A “lifestyle change,” on the other hand, has a sense of permanency about it. It’s more about closing the door (see my next post on why I can’t cheat – even a little – on my “lifestyle change”). At first, the difference may be subtle. I’m new to the idea of “lifestyle change,” but the thoughts might go something like this:

“There’s a barbecue restaurant on the left.”
“I don’t eat barbecued pork ribs.”
“I eat healthy food . . . now and forever.”
“Let the ribs go.”
“Broccoli is better.”
“Did I tell you that you looked good in that shirt this morning?”
“You need a different tie . . . something with a pattern . . . maybe some new shoes.”
“Was that a red light I just drove through???!!!”

Probably a poor example, but I think the idea is that “diet thinking” builds up a mental IOU of food to cash in later. A “lifestyle change” says the payoff is now and permanent. I think once you’ve decided that you don’t owe yourself a rack of ribs, the mental effort to stop thinking about them (with a side of potato salad) will lessen.

Boy, is this blog getting gooey… If you continue to focus on unhealthy foods in your diet, you will want them more and more.  Hence, you are constantly saying to yourself “I can’t eat that because I am on a diet.” First, let’s get rid of that word altogether! “Diet” is a naughty word. Basically, what you are saying is “I am going on this ‘diet’ to lose xxx number of pounds” -- and after that, look out baby.  It all begins with the mind. You have to tell yourself this is a lifestyle change, not a temporary change. In order to lose one pound per week you have to deduct 500 calories per day from either eating less or exercising more. The key is exercise and watching what you eat. Okay, duh! I know pizza, gooey things, soda, cookies, chocolate, hot dogs, fish fry (I am in Wisconsin, you know, some people can not live with Friday fish fry), candy bars, ding dongs, Ho Hos all taste awesome. But are they worth you health? You know, I have had some patients say, “Well, yes they are” -- even after having bypass surgery.  Those foods can still have a small place in your eating plan, but cannot be the main emphasis. Got the munchies? Try the following tips to keep it light and satisfying:
• Air-popped popcorn: 3 cups contains about 93 calories (with less than 1.5 grams of fat), 3.5 grams of fiber, and are considered a whole-grain food item.
• Fruit and vegetables: Fresh fruit is a great way to boost vitamins in the diet and is a great, fast finger food. Increase the amount of fruit by having a fruit bowl with a variety of fresh fruit, or by slicing fruit and placing it on a plate with slices or cubes of cheese.
• Don’t forget that raw vegetables are also a low-fat and crispy treat. Try celery with peanut butter or broccoli, or cauliflower, cucumbers or zucchini with low-fat dressing.
• Sandwiches are always a hit. Try a cheese quesadilla with salsa and lettuce, a bean burrito, grilled cheese with whole grain bread or in a pita pocket, or even a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a whole grain bagel.
• Additional low-fat snack items include whole grain granola bars, whole grain crackers, or quick breads such as pumpkin or banana bread.

With the same leadership skill exhibited by Lt. Colonel George Custer at the Little Bighorn, I seem to have led us into the valley of the Little Cream Horn in my last post. As a result, some of our readers have been set upon by thoughts of fattening foods.

Sorry, I didn’t intend for us to start sharing recipes for gooey butter cake or fondly remembering great Italian restaurants. Instead, let’s think about fiber. Okay, that may be a stretch, but I would like share a small measure of dieting success: I’ve lost about 5 pounds in the first two weeks of my diet. 

I’m eating lots of fruits and vegetables, and not letting myself get too hungry between meals. I’ve climbed back on my exercise bike, and I’m working out about 30-40 minutes a day. My exercise routine includes some resistance training because I’ve heard it helps promote weight loss. Today, I started taking the stairs to my third-floor office instead of the elevator.

I’ve only had a couple of mild moments of refrigerator stalking. This usually occurs around 9 p.m., when I start circling the fridge, craving food and gripping the door handles before forcing myself away. It’s hard to explain this nervous addiction (I think the medical term is “The Heebie Jeebies”)

There is one thing I do that helps keep the Heebie Jeebies at bay: I store nothing but healthy food in the fridge. My mind wants pizza. If it knows that nothing but grapefruit and celery await it on the other side of the door, it sort of gives up . . . for awhile.

Of course, my mind also knows that the grocery store is only a mile away, and most of the time it knows where I’ve left the car keys.

How about you? Do you have any strategies for fending off the munchies?

For Christmas, my boss gave me a book on the history of food in St. Louis, which is something like giving Dillinger the combination to the vault. Nothing good can come of it.

According to the book, there are 4,800 restaurants in St. Louis – giving the city one of the largest numbers of restaurants per capita in America. This inspired me to find out more, and I’ve uncovered a centuries-old conspiracy – a culinary Da Vinci Code – devised to keep me overweight. In fact, the plot involves many nationalities, races and religions. After minutes of research, I discovered the following:

In the 17th century, the French were the first Europeans to arrive in St. Louis, It’s a wonder they made it, packing all that chocolate, cheese, heavy sauces, pastries and a Mardi Gras tradition that makes St. Louis one of the world’s prime locations for eating king cake just before Ash Wednesday.

Following the French, the Irish lugged in stews, corned beef and potatoes. The Germans brought in beer and all manner of wursts and schnitzels. The Italians moved to The Hill section of St. Louis where they produce massive quantities of pasta and bread. And I hold the Jewish community responsible for the most perfect sandwich ever invented – the Rueben.

A host of other countries and cultures have contributed to my weight as well. I’ve eaten at a Brazilian restaurant in St. Louis where waiters continued to bring me huge chunks of meat until I waved them away from my table. The Chinese provide me with giant buffets at unbelievably low prices. Indian restaurants offer boti kebab masala, which roughly translates: “This is an addictive lamb dish that Alan will be compelled to order every time he enters an Indian restaurant.” A Greek Orthodox Church in the community heaves out giant pans of gyros and baklava for me each Friday.

I’m surprised that Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory isn’t located on the riverfront. 

The ravings of a madman, you say? Perhaps – breakfast was five hours ago. But I say that this gargantuan international smorgasbord could not have happened by chance. I’m sure they’ve all been after me for years.

Once these people all arrived in St. Louis, they weren’t satisfied with the foods they had brought to fatten me. N-o-o-o-o, they invented new ones. St. Louis is the birthplace for the following:
• pork steaks
• St. Louis-style pizza with Provel cheese (Yes, St. Louis has its own type of cheese.)
• crab rangoon
• ice cream in cones
• toasted ravioli
• frozen custard
• gooey butter cake*

I rest my case. Lunch anyone?

*Note: Gooey butter cake is even worse than it sounds; with ingredients so effective in closing arteries that the U.S. Navy used it to stop leaks in submarines during WWII.

One other note: I would be remiss if I did not state that my girlfriend and her family (specifically, my girlfriend’s mother) claim that gooey butter cake was invented by their ancestor, Albert Obermeier, a German baker in the St. Louis community of Kirkwood. I’d not only be remiss, I’d be pretty stupid not to mention it.

Wow, what great responses.  One of the responses provided the Web site for My Pyramid, which is an excellent web link to begin to learn serving sizes (http://www.mypyramid.gov/).  It can be discouraging at first, but is very important to know what an actual serving size looks like.  Not one that you have created in your mind or one that a restaurant has portioned out for you.  Once you learn the appropriate serving sizes you can begin to visualize how much you are actually consuming.  Eating a burrito as big as your head is usually not an appropriate serving size.  It is okay to eat more than one serving size, but you need to know how many serving out of each food group you should be eating.

42% of adults say they base the amount they eat on the amount they are used to eating  (AICR Survey, 2003)
 

Cup of Coffee

                      
Twenty years ago                               Today
Coffee with milk and sugar                 Grande café mocha with whip, 2% milk
8 ounces                                            16 ounces
45 calories                                         330 calories

Study after study show that when trying to lose weight writing everything you eat down helps keep you on track.  Two great free Web sites for keeping track of what you eat are:
www.myfitnesspal.com and www.fitday.com. You have to know the servings of what you are eating to record.  Stop and take the time to enjoy your food and realize that you are actually eating.  How many times have you eaten so quickly you don’t know if you are still hungry or full?   

Thanks to everyone for all the helpful suggestions and words of encouragement. (I find the Wii Fit virtual hula hoop exercise idea intriguing.)

As to the reader who asked about the difficulty in counting and evaluating what I eat, I understand the logic behind it. I’m sure that I’m sucking in uncounted calories like a black hole in outer space. It’s the Dirty Harry Complex. To paraphrase a famous scene from that movie:

“I know what you’re thinking – was that six sandwiches today, or only five? To tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track myself.”

A co-worker had a great idea: Do the point calculations one time and then write the points for a particular food item on the box, bag or can that contains them.

Also, the question was raised as to whether or not my head would shrink on the cartoon body of the blog graphic as I lose weight. I think not. It’s a good idea but during past diets, where I’ve lost as much as 40 pounds, my head remained unchanged. It’s my body’s way of having fun with me.

Also, thinking more about what I eat is a good idea. My food choices often have to meet only three requirements:

1. Needs to be salty.
2. Needs to be fatty.
3. Needs to be within arm’s reach.

Oprah Winfrey’s weight has ballooned to 200 pounds.

She’s mad about it and, given the power of Oprah, her wrath could mean the end of life as we know it.

But what troubles me about this news is that if I were as rich as Oprah, I could hire an around-the-clock nutritionist/chef to plan and prepare low-cal meals. A live-in counselor could talk to me while gently pulling the rack of pork ribs from my grasp. I could employ a team of bodyguards to fling themselves between me and incoming cheeseburgers at all hours.

Wouldn’t a couple of billion dollars buy me protection from myself?

Apparently not. Even the rich and powerful eventually find themselves alone with a fork.

That being said, support is important. Last night I joined a group of 22 people to begin a 17-week weight loss program. I confess that 30 minutes before the meeting I had an ice cream bar. The impulse was something like making a lunge for the last lifeboat to leave the Titanic.

My observations of the meeting:
1. I appreciated the quiet electronic weigh-in scale. When I step on a mechanical scale, it sounds like a piano being dropped from the top of a five-story building.
2. I’ll need to adjust to sharing with a group. I don’t open up quickly.
3. Measuring, evaluating and counting food choices will be a pain until I get used to it. I’ll probably lose weight just because I want to avoid the math.

After 12 years of being a Registered Dietitian, I have my own motto:  Exercise and eat in moderation.  If it were only that simple I would be without a job.  I have heard it all: “I am too busy to exercise and watch my weight” “I will start on January 1st” “I couldn’t help myself” and “My mom taught me to eat everything on my plate” Let’s face it, life is full of food challenges from the so called “eat day’s” at work to simply making the right choices day to day.  But here you are with those excess pounds just sitting there making you feel lousy, guilty, sad, and helpless.  How do I lose this weight? HELP!

It definitely starts with getting motivated to change.  Have you heard of the 5 stages people go through on their way to making changes in their life?  Dr. James O. Prochaska, Ph.D. studied the following stages:

1. Pre-contemplation: You are starting to ponder a change. You know you need too because you have high blood pressure, you are overweight, and you are  uncomfortable with yourself.  This may be six month down the road, but you are thinking about it.
2. Contemplation:  Still thinking about it, you know you need to lose weight for your health.  You are going to do something soon, but you are still just thinking.
3. Preparation:  You are starting to get closer to actually taking “action”.  You are starting to put things in place.  For example, starting a blog with a co-worker so everyone will know if you are not losing the weight that you are blogging about.
4. Action:  Okay, this is it baby, you are starting to actually make some changes in the way you eat.  You are starting to exercise at least 3 days a week, which is more than you were doing- nothing.
5. Maintenance: You have made the change and kept it up for more than six months.  In terms of weight, you’ve lost it and kept it off for more than six months.

Goals for Alan:  1. Weight loss of 100# at a rate of 1-2 pounds per week to rid himself of the “Tubby Tip” 2. Exercise for 30 minutes 3 x per week –take aerobics from a qualified instructor. 3. Measure your chest, waist and hips to assess changes along the way.